


Ghosts of The Past

by Ollieollieupandfree



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, congrats, ghost au, how they died will be explained, theyre all dead, this is so terribly written im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-15 03:00:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14782374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ollieollieupandfree/pseuds/Ollieollieupandfree
Summary: Thomas has discussions with the ghosts that live with him about their lives and how they died.





	1. Chapter One: Roman

#  Chapter One: Roman

 

“What was life like for you?” Thomas asked suddenly. Roman looked up at him, quirking an eyebrow.

 

“You’ve never asked me this before, what is the occasion?” Roman asked.

 

“Today’s the anniversary of your death,” Thomas said quietly, not wanting to upset the theatrical ghost.

 

“I know,” Roman said, brushing off his sash, “Would you like me to tell you about my life?”

 

“If you don’t mind,” Thomas said, smiling. Roman nodded and took a deep breath, more habit than necessity.

 

❁❀✾✿❃✽✤❋✣❊❁❀✾✿❃✽✤❋✣❊❁❀✾✿❃✽✤❋✣❊

 

I was married. Her name was Katherine. She was beautiful. It was an arranged marriage, you see, but I still loved her. Not like a man is supposed to love his wife, but like a brother loves his sister. I only really loved two things- the theatre and a young man named John. I met John when I was seven. He worked in my home as a kitchen boy. We were in love even then, and it chased me into adulthood. My father didn’t mind that I became an actor, I had an older brother to manage the company. John followed me to my estate, and worked closely with me. Katherine didn’t mind that I loved one of our servant boys, she herself was in love with a maid.

 

In public we were the ideal couple- completely and totally in love with each other and happily so. We supported each other- me in her quest to become a doctor, and her in my pursuit of fame in the theatre. At night we said our goodnights at my bedroom door. She went to her maid’s room, and John snuck into mine. 

 

Eventually, Katherine and I were expected to have a child. I didn’t like it anymore than she did, but we were determined. I loved children, so did she. I begged her not to give up on her dream of being a doctor, but she told me that a child was worth anything. I told her that I would give up my pursuit of fame to care for her and the child. She told me not to, begged me not to. So I didn’t.

 

The child was conceived. I was ecstatic. I told John. He said I’d betrayed him- upset that I had left him for a woman of all people - and left. I was broken. I started drinking. I couldn’t focus. My performances were better than ever, however. I ignored Katherine. I didn’t even listen when she told me that a soothsayer had told her it was a girl. I’d always wanted a girl. I wanted to name her Charlotte Anne. It’s a beautiful name, it was my mother’s and my twin sister’s.

 

I usually stopped drinking hours before a show so I was at least a little sober before I went on stage But I couldn’t tonight. Katherine was due soon - Charlotte Anne was supposed to be born within the week - and I couldn’t take the heartbreak that it left me with. I wanted John to be there to hold my little girl, but he wasn’t.

 

The performance went well, I’m afraid to say. I had wanted it to fail so that I could never go on stage again- so that I could focus on Charlotte Anne and her mother. But it went well. Already, I could hear people gushing about how it was my finest performance. I didn’t leave the stage like I normally would after the audience filed out. I sat on the stage. I laughed and laughed, even when the runner came to tell me my wife was in labor. I smiled at the runner and everyone else still in the theater. The stage collapsed underneath me. I don’t remember what it felt like to be crushed.

 

❁❀✾✿❃✽✤❋✣❊❁❀✾✿❃✽✤❋✣❊❁❀✾✿❃✽✤❋✣❊

 

“Tell me about John,” Thomas said, “Please?”

 

“He was beautiful,” Roman answered. “He had the darkest hair, in perfect curly cues, the kind white women can only dream to attain. His skin was as dark as the best kind of soil, strong and fertile and coveted. His eyes were like jewel beetle wings, dark and unassuming but when in the proper lighting shone with a thousand colors. I wanted to give him everything in the world.”

 

“You sound like you really loved him,” Thomas said.

 

“I did- I do.” Roman said, “We had this dream as children, that one day we would live in a house in the middle of a field. Every room inside of it would be filled with things from all over the world. There just to make us all smile. He loved it. He told me about his home.”

 

“Where was he from?”

 

“He was a slave, originally. Taken from Ethiopia. He remembered everything - a photographic memory, we’d call it now. My father bought him and freed him, gave him a new name and a new start. John chose to work for my family. He was paid astonishingly well. First by my father, then by me. He told me that I paid him through my love,” Roman laughed, “I told him that I loved him too much to let him work for free.”

 

“Would you marry him? If it was possible?”

 

“Yes. I would marry him as soon as we were able to.”

 

“I’m glad you got to experience that love. I’m sorry it ended so soon.”

 

“I don’t like thinking about how we ended things. I want to remember the way he smiled at me. How he taught me to swim and I taught him to sword fight. I don’t want to remember a broken heart, only a heart full of love.”

 

“You had to put the Les Mis reference in there, didn’t you?”

 

“I couldn’t resist. Unfortunately, I never got to be a part of such a wonderful stage production.”

 

“What did you act in?”

 

“Shakespeare, mostly. Some local things.”

 

“Did you like it?”

 

“I loved it. Do you like performing?”

 

“Yes. Do you miss it?”

 

“Incredibly. I like being able to follow you to your performances, though.”

 

“Am I up to your level?”

 

“Yes. Better than me, I think. You had more opportunities since a younger age.”

 

“Thank you for telling me about your life.”

 

“Thank you for allowing me to.”


	2. Chapter Two: Logan

#  Chapter Two: Logan

 

“What was your life like?” Thomas asked suddenly. Logan looked up, then gestured at Thomas to turn the page for him. Thomas sighed and turned the page for the intellectual ghost.

 

“Why do you ask?” Logan responded.

 

“I don’t know. I asked Roman on his Death Day,” Thomas said.

 

“It isn’t my death day. You would have to ask Patton, as well,” Logan said.

 

“I know, but I got curious. What was your life like?”

 

“It was rather boring, but I suppose I could tell you.”

 

❁❀✾✿❃✽✤❋✣❊❁❀✾✿❃✽✤❋✣❊❁❀✾✿❃✽✤❋✣❊

 

I wasn’t married. I had what you might call a boyfriend, but he was mostly someone I just slept with when we were lonely. My real love was for my job. I was a highschool teacher, English for freshman and Sophomore, science for juniors and seniors. I loved my classes. But.

 

❁❀✾✿❃✽✤❋✣❊❁❀✾✿❃✽✤❋✣❊❁❀✾✿❃✽✤❋✣❊

 

Logan froze and swallowed, his fingers staticed out, like he was wringing them.

 

“What? Logan, what’s wrong?” 

 

“There was a student,” Logan said, “A freshman boy. I didn’t give him a grade he liked. He tried to seduce me.”

 

“Oh, god,” Thomas said, “Logan, I’m so sorry.”

 

“I didn’t do anything,” Logan said firmly, “I never touched him. He touched me, I pushed him away.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“He lied. Told the school board I touched him. They didn’t believe him - he had a history of this kind of thing - but they were required to suspend me.”

 

“What then?”

 

“I was angry. I got drunk,” Logan said, looking ashamed, “I went out and got drunk. I didn’t listen when Clive - my boyfriend, of sorts - told me to wait for him to pick me up. I got in my car. I started driving.” 

 

Thomas knew what was coming next, but it was still hard to hear.

 

“Patton was out walking. He was going somewhere, getting something for someone. I lost control of the wheel.” Logan wouldn’t look at Thomas, and the human could easily know why. He was ashamed of his actions.

 

“I hit Patton. The car slammed into a tree, pinned him there. Patton died in the impact,” a strangled sound slipped from Logan’s lips, “I suffered for days at the hospital. I lived knowing I had killed another man. I didn’t die of natural causes, Thomas. I was expected to make a full recovery. But I could never live with the idea that I had killed another man. I took too many pills one night and killed myself.”

 

“Oh, Logan,” Thomas said sadly, “I’m so sorry.”

 

“Don’t,” Logan said softly, “Don’t apologize. I know what I did wrong, I know that it wasn’t entirely my fault.”

 

“Did you experience love? When you were alive?”

 

“Yes. Love for my work, mostly,” Logan said, “But love nonetheless.”

 

“Were you happy?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Good. Thank you for telling me.”

 

“Thank you for not judging me.”

 

“I don’t care about the mistakes you made in your life, Logan. I like you because I know what you’re really like.”

 

“Do you think Patton forgives me?”

 

“I think that’s something you need to talk to him about.”

 

“Thank you, Thomas.”

 

“Any time, Logan.”


	3. Chapter Three: Virgil

#  Chapter Three: Virgil

 

“What was your life like?”

 

“Terrible,” Virgil answered.

 

“Tell me about it?”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I’m curious.”

 

“What do you want to know?”

 

“Were you happy? At any point?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Tell me about it?”

 

“I had this dog,” Virgil said, “Her name was Cat. When I was little, I didn’t understand what cats and dogs were. I thought dogs were cats and cats were dogs, so I called her Cat. I loved her. My mom - she hated Cat. She hated all dogs, she hated everything - saw that Cat made me happy. She helped me take care of her, even after everything my father did to us.”

 

“Do you miss her?”

 

“Cat or my mother?”

 

“Both.”

 

“I miss Cat. I don’t miss my mother. She’s happier now than she ever was in life. I’m happy for her, wherever she is.”

 

“Do you wish you with her?”

 

“No. I want to stay here. I like it here.”

 

“Do you think she’s watching?”

 

“Definitely. She’s looking up at me right now.”

 

“Up?”

 

“There’s no way my mother is in heaven. She would’ve begged and screamed until God let her go. She’s sitting on the throne, I know it.”

 

“What if you ever move on?”

 

“I’ll be down with her. Don’t worry, Thomas, I know how to act like a prince.”

 

Thomas smothered a laugh, “What, uh, what kind of dog was Cat?”

 

Virgil snorted, “I love hearing you say that. She was a xolo. You know, one of those Mexican hairless dogs?”

 

“Oh, that’s so weird.”

 

“I’m allergic to dogs, but I found her on the side of the road.”

 

“What happened to her?”

 

“She’s dead, by now.”

 

“No, I figured that, but what happened before?”

 

“I was walking her when I was attacked. She ran off, probably got found by some other family who took care of her till she died.”

 

“Thank you for telling me.”

 

“Thank you for listening.”

 

“If I got another dog, would you like that?”

 

Virgil smiled at Thomas, “I would. I’d really, really like that, Thomas.”


	4. Chapter Four: Patton

#  Chapter Four: Patton

 

“What was your life like?”

 

“I expected that question,” Patton said, “You asked the others, first. What’s with the sudden curiosity?”

 

“I don’t know. I wanted to cheer Roman up on his Death Day. Guess I got curious.”

 

“Well, what do you want to know?”

 

“Logan told me you were walking somewhere, where were you going?”

 

“There used to be this little bakery down the street from here,” Patton answered, “My husband loved the almond croissants from there.”

 

“I didn’t know you were married.”

 

“I wasn’t, not technically. We were in a committed relationship. We were symbolically married. Not legally, but we still called each other husbands. He had AIDS.”

 

“Oh, god,” Thomas said.

 

“So did I. He got it from a blood transfusion. I got it from him.”

 

“Patton, I-”

 

“Don’t. It was much worse for him. I would get him almond croissants to cheer him up. That’s where I was walking.”

 

“Patton, I can’t imagine how terrible that must have been.”

 

“I would have died within fifteen years had Logan not hit me with his car. I died a lot quicker than I would have. I’m grateful for that.” 

 

“What was your husband’s name?”

 

“Danny,” Patton answered, “His name was Danny. I loved him.”

 

“Was he the only family you had?”

 

“I had a son and a daughter. They were from my wife. She killed herself when I told her I was bisexual. I got to keep the kids.”

 

“What were their names?”

 

“Kyle and Rowan. Rowan was nine when I died. Kyle was seven. I didn’t get to see them grow up. I never got to walk Rowan down the aisle. Or take her to a father daughter dance. I never saw Kyle get his degree. Did you know he’s a doctor? He studies AIDS, now, and runs a support group.”

 

“Oh, god, Patt.”

 

“Rowan has a son. His name is Patton. She named him after me.”

 

“Did Danny raise them?”

 

“They were raised by Danny’s parents.”

 

“Why not your’s?”

 

“I didn’t have parents. I was a foster kid from the moment I was born.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be.”

 

“Do you miss them?”

 

“Incredibly. I never got to say goodbye to them. I never got to hug Rowan one last time. I never taught Kyle how to ride a bike, or how to shave. I never taught Rowan to not be afraid. I never got the opportunity to marry Danny.”

 

“Why weren’t they raised by Danny?”

 

“He was too weak to care for them.”

 

“Is he still alive?”

 

Patton nodded.

 

“I never got to see my kids grow up.” Patton whispered, his body wracking with sobs, “I never got to meet Rowan’s husband. I never got to meet Kyle’s friends. I never told them how proud I was of them. The last memory they have of me is me walking out of the door. I promised I’d be back.” Patton sobbed.

 

“Thomas, I never got to meet my babies. I never got to see the people they grew into. I want to see them, Thomas. I want to be able to hug them. I want them to know how much their daddy loves them.” 

 

“Patton,” Thomas said, “Can you not see them?”

 

“I can pop by every now and then, but it’s hard and I can’t ever get them to notice me.”

 

“You said your son, Kyle, was a doctor?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What’s his name? Where does he work?”

 

“Shepard. Doctor Kyle Shepard. Huntington. He lives in California. They both do.”

 

“Patton will you get the others for me?” Patton looked confused at the request but nodded and flickered out of view, flickering back in just moments.

 

“What is this about, Thomas?” Roman asked.

 

“Roman, do you know where John was buried?”

 

“St. Louis Cemetary No. 1,” Roman answered, “In New Orleans. Katherine made sure he was buried next to me. Charlotte Anne is there, too.” 

 

“We’re going to visit.” Thomas said. Roman looked too shocked for words, “Logan, is Clive still alive?”

 

“As far as I know, yes,” Logan answered, “I think I know where you’re going with this, and yes I would love to visit him. He teaches mathematics at Troy High School in LA.”

 

“Wait, Thomas, I don’t have anyone left to visit?” Virgil said, looking confused.

 

“Logan, where’s a pet store?”

 

“Excuse me?” Logan responded.

 

“We’re getting a dog.”

 

“Then may I suggest adopting from a shelter? There are many shelter dogs that need a good and loving home. Although, if we are to go on a trip I would suggest not getting a dog so soon? Perhaps afterward, so that the dog may acclimate to its new home and having you and us all here?”

 

“Of course, thank you, Logan.” 

 

“Thomas,” Patton said, “Why are you doing this? How are we supposed to gain anything from this?”

 

“You never got to see your children after that night,” Thomas said. Logan looked guilt ridden, Virgil and Roman looked shocked.

 

“You had children?” Logan asked softly.

 

“Two. Rowan and Kyle. Rowan was nine, Kyle was seven,” Patton answered just as soft. 

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be. That night is as much your tragedy as it is mine.”

 

“But the point is you never got to see them. If I can go to them, I can tell them about you. Tell them that you’re proud of them,” Thomas said, “Logan, I can say whatever to Clive you want me to.”

 

“Thank you, Thomas,” Patton said.

 

“Thank you for telling me.”


	5. Epilogue One: Clive

#  Epilogue One: Clive

 

Clive lives in a large one story home. He has a dog, but no wife or children. Not even a husband. He’s in his fifties now, and spends most of his time either at school or at home with his dog. It’s heartbreaking for Logan to see. He thinks that if he had lived long enough - if he had just waited for Clive to pick him up - that this is the man he might have married. Clive answers the door on the second ring, and he’s just as bubbly as Logan remembers.

 

“No, thank you, I wouldn’t like to change religions, but thank you for thinking of me,” Clive says when he sees Thomas, with a kind smile.

 

“Oh, no, I’m not here about that. I’m not a religious man, either,” Thomas responds with a smile, “I’m here about Logan.”

 

Clive’s smile fell, “I don’t know who you are, but whatever kind of sick joke this is, is just mean and it needs to stop.”

 

“It’s not a joke, sir,” Thomas says, “I can speak to Logan. Please believe me.” Maybe it’s the desperate look on Thomas’ face, or maybe Clive really wants to believe him, but he steps back from the door and allows Thomas inside.

 

“Logan,” Thomas says as they sit in the living room, “What do you want me to tell him?”

 

“Ask him about school,” Logan says, standing behind Clive and trailing his fingers across the man’s strong shoulders.

 

“He wants me to ask you about school,” Thomas says.

 

“It’s good. The new year just started, you know.” Clive says. Logan nods, “The freshman are as rowdy as ever. There’s this one, keeps changing his hair every month. I swear, I’ve never seen a human rainbow before but he certainly counts.”

 

“Do you have a favorite student?” Logan asks. Thomas voices the question and Clive huffs.

 

“I always do. A freshman. His name’s Cory. He’s a really good photography, completely into astrophysics, too. You would have liked him,” Clive chokes on a sob as his words end. Thomas reaches forward and places a comforting hand on his arm, right where Logan’s own hand sits. Logan is forever grateful.

 

“I miss you,” Clive sobs, “Why couldn’t you have just waited? Why didn’t you let me pick you up? Then you would still be here.”

 

“He misses you, too,” Thomas says. “He says he should have waited, that it was stupid not to.”

 

“Damn right it was,” Clive says.  “I thought you were some kind of genius, Logan. Look at you now.”

 

“Genius?” Thomas asks, looking at Logan.

 

“I graduated high school at fourteen, college at sixteen,” Logan answers, although his heart isn’t really in it.

 

“Whoa,” Thomas says, “That’s amazing.”

 

“Thank you,” Logan responds, still looking at Clive.

 

“Is he here?” Clive asks.

 

“Yes,” Thomas answers.

 

“Can he hear me?”

 

“He can hear everything, yes.”

 

“Where is he?”

 

“Behind you.” Clive twists and looks so clearly at Logan, that Logan swears he can see him.

 

“I love you,” Clive says, clearly, “And I wish you would have let me pick you up. I used to imagine I was going to marry you, if it ever became legal. I love you.”

 

“I love you, too,” Logan says. He leans down and presses a kiss to Clive’s lips, soft and only for Thomas to see.

 

“He says he loves you too,” Thomas says, “He also kissed you, and I’m sorry you couldn’t feel it.”

 

“It’s okay,” Clive says, “It’s not your fault. Thank you for coming here.”

 

“It was my pleasure. To be quite honest, I wasn’t sure Logan would want to come. But I’m glad he let me come here.”

 

“Will I see him? When I die?”

  
Thomas looks to Logan, “I’m not sure. His business isn’t finished yet.” Logan shoots a look at Patton, who isn’t watching, “But he’ll be there eventually.”


	6. Epilogue Two: Kyle

#  Epilogue Two: Kyle

 

Kyle is a hard man to track down, Thomas finds. And he actually ends up stalking him for a while. He’s a resident at Huntington and frequents a coffee shop near the hospital. It’s there that Thomas approaches him.

 

“Excuse me, Doctor Kyle Shepard?” Thomas asks. Kyle looks up. He doesn’t look like Patton. He’s dark skinned and dark eyed. He doesn’t have Patton’s amber eyes, but he has his nose and rosewood hair. He has the kind glitter in his eyes, but a sharpness to him that he most definitely got from his mother.

 

“That’s me,” Kyle responds, “Can I help you?”

 

“I’m going to tell you something crazy, but before you call me crazy and call the cops, hear me out?”

 

Kyle raises an eyebrow, but gestures for Thomas to sit down, “All right. Shoot.”

 

“I can speak to ghosts,” Thomas says, “I have been able to since I was a child. You’re father is one of my greatest friends.”

 

“My father is still alive,” Kyle responds.

 

“Not Danny. Patton,” Thomas says.

 

“You’re a sick fuck, you know that,”Kyle says, leaning closer, “You think you’re the first person to come up to me like this? I get this all the time. Everybody in the country knows what happened to my father. They call it a tragedy. I get assholes like you everyday coming up to me, telling me my father speaks to them. You have one minute before I call the cops.”

 

“Wait, please don’t,” Thomas says, leaning closer, “I promise you, I don’t want money or attention. I want Patton to be happy. He asked me to find you.”

 

“Convince me,” Kyle says.

 

“I don’t know how. But, look, he’s sorry. He’s sorry that your last memory of him is him walking out the door,” Thomas says. Kyle leans back, an easy laugh on his lips.

 

“That sounds like him, dwelling on the stupidest things. OK. I believe you,” Kyle says, “What else?”

 

“Tell him I’m proud of him,” Patton says.

 

“He’s proud of you.”

 

“Tell him I’m sorry I wasn’t at his graduation.”

 

“He’s sorry he wasn’t at your graduation.”

 

“I saved him a seat,” Kyle said softly, “Right next to Danny and Rowan. I liked to imagine he was there.”

 

“Tell him I miss him.”

 

“He misses you.”

 

“Tell him to tie his tie properly, he looks so unkept.”

 

“He says to tie your tie properly.”

 

Kyle laughed, “Yeah, that’s dad.”

 

“Ask him who taught him how to ride a bike?”

 

“Who taught you how to ride a bike?”

 

“Can he hear me?” Kyle asks.

 

“He can. He’s sitting just to the left of you,” Thomas answers.

 

“Danny taught me. Can I ask you something, dad?”

 

“Of course,” Patton answers.

 

“He says of course you can,” Thomas says.

 

“Was it true that you’d have died within fifteen years if you hadn’t been hit?”

 

“Yes,” Patton says. Thomas just nods, his voice not working.

 

“So I would have lost you anyway?” There are tears streaming down Kyle’s cheeks and more down Patton’s. Thomas nods numbly.

 

“I wanted those fifteen years, dad,” Kyle says, “I wanted you to see me on my first day of middle school. I hate him.”

 

“Who?” Patton asks and Thomas voices his question.

 

“The man that hit you. The man that took you away from me before those fifteen years were up,” Kyle answers. Logan flinches beside Roman.

 

“Don’t hate him, kiddo,” Patton says. Thomas uses his exact words, “He didn’t mean to. He was going through a lot in his life, and he lost control of himself.”

 

“Yeah,” Kyle said, brushing his tears away, “That’s definitely my dad. Forgiving to the last minute. Is he here, too? The man that hit my dad?”

 

“Yes,” Thomas said, “His name is Logan. He was a teacher. He regrets nothing more than what happened that night.”

 

“Good,” Kyle said, “I hope he feels guilty. He didn’t just take my father from me that night. He took both of them.”

 

“It isn’t right to be mad at him,” Patton said. Thomas uses Patton’s exact words as the ghost lays his hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “I’ve forgiven Logan. I want you to forgive him, too. I’m. . . I’m grateful to Logan. I couldn’t have bared to have you all watch as I died. It would have hurt not just me, but you as well. I’m glad I died the way I did.”

 

Kyle sits silently for about ten minutes after Patton stops speaking. "Thank you for telling me," he says to Thomas. "Thank you for coming to find me."

 

"Thank you for listening."


End file.
